Love and the strange feelings that accompanies it.

I’ve embarked on a new adventure. Pollyamourous relationships.
Starting with a man I’ve loved for a long time. Which I think complicates things.I also solidified a relationship with a chick I’d been fucking for months. Although I had a feeling I was just settling for her for the time being. She turned around and broke up with me only a few weeks later. I am currently courting this other chick; whom I am really into. I guess you could say I am hopeful to just solidify my two relationships with a male and female.

As for the feelings that I’ve been experiencing around being Polly: wow I didn’t think jealousy would be a problem for me with either of my partners. Granted I’d already been sharing them with whomever their other partners where before we made things official,  but now I found myself looking at their others as threats.  And after seeing my now ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend in pictures in her page, I was disgusted.  Lol wtf was she thinkingn she could do better, and then the worst of all…..I am kissing her and fucking her after that, ewww. Haha I was kind of relived when she broke it off, then I was pissed. Why agree to be in a Polly relationship then decide when you find someone else you can’t imagine being with anyone else. I think you were experimenting and you waved me around as your girlfriend (mind you before we even made things official) and were bragging about it, then you just changed your mind. Frustrating but what ever.  I wasn’t all that into you anyway. You had a lot of drama and I want no part.

Now about my long lasting love and how I fought  for and waited so very long for him and now I am forcing him to deal with me being with women as well. And the thoughts about him obtaining another partner. I know I can’t have a double standard. Not sure how I will deal if does. I feel so bad and see the pain in his eyes when we discuss the topic of my other perspective partners.  I don’t want to hurt him. But the craving for a women’s love and touch is so overwhelming.  If it’s been to long sometimes. ..actually it happens a lot…a female will creep into the bedroom with us. No matter how hard I try I can’t force her out of my head and I feel so guilty that I can’t reach climax. 

Funny how I am against three somes yet heavily fantasize about them, with both males and females and them together.  I guess I can be a god director in my head. Its just to much in reality.

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