Caught up in Polly.

I’ve never had a polyamourous relationship before.  I didn’t know how it would play out. How it would feel and most definitely consume me. I am at a crossroads in my life where there is no way  I could think about choosing a partner to be monogamous with. Not due to having a lack of partners I would want to be monogamous with but due to the thought of not being able to have sex with both genders. It frightens me to force myself to ponder on which I could live the rest of my life with and not have the other.
I currently have a partner I love deeply. I am so scared of losing him. Yet even if I wanted to choose monogamy with him he wouldn’t allow it. He says I’d resent him. And I can’t deny that I probably would after awhile. I already get frustrated that I can’t just go fuck any chick I want. It’s been to long since I’ve been with a lady. And it seems the lady I want has just as complicated of a schedule as I do.
I want so badly to make this work. I want to be able to talk to my partner openly again. But as he stated, we’ve learned that talking openly about our other interest, hurts each other and we don’t want that. So for now there is always an elephant in the room.


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