Fantasy verses reality

Ok so we all have fantasies. ..am I wrong?  Well I do. But I’ve also learned from not openly dating woman for so long; that sometimes they can be better off left in your head.  Lets just say good short reel films for some dire last min climax during some good alone time.

Naturally when I am asked about my fantasies My mind freaks the fuck out. What me? Oh no no no. I don’t have private thoughts. (No really I am borderline,  notorious for TMI) but this one area I am not quick to share, well the deepest most embarrassing parts at least.

Ok so how much am I willing to share here. ….omg, I am already freaking the fuck out. Just knowing he may read it is hard enough.  I can’t say these things out loud to MYSELF, let alone tell him.

Oh so I am struggling here. …anyone want to throw in a conversation starter. Lol….umm oh yea this is pretty one sided conversation until I post it. Lol

First off, I’ve talked about my ideas on three somes …..sort off. I don’t know how I would do with a three some in a relationship.  I’ve been a third to a couple before and didn’t appreciate the watchful eyes of the couple. Nor the director telling me what to do. I have a pretty clear idea of what I want and what I like. Back then it was usually just the chica. Lol but my fantasies of three somes have evolved over time and it usually never had/has people I was committed to involved.  Ok ok….so my fantasies have went from 2 female and a male…which I’ve done a few times. …to 2 males and 1 female being me. Now this has been the fantasy for years.
Until recently. …omg my mind can fuck me so hard sometimes.  Not sure I am ready to share the new evolution of this one….maybe I will come back and add to this before I post it. ( ok so maybe later, this is to much)

Second. …umm toys,  swings, cock rings and strapless strap ons. So I’ve shared a little in this realm.  I like trying new things and toys are no exception.  I have blatantly announced I wanted a swing for years,  still do. Come on you know it’s inticing to thing about some crazy shit you could do with a swing. But the other toys are a little more of a secret. I mean I can talk openly and sarcastically through some sexual innuendo but in the bedroom with my lover is a different story. My lover my be offended or judge me. I just get plain embarrassed. I want them to just know and do it, right thing,  right time, right every thing… read my mind ya mind reader. Lol ok I know that isn’t realistic,  but I dont want to say hey let’s use some toy right now and ruin the moment.

Third positions. ..omg All I have to say is buy me a book and let’s start at page one. I want to try them all. If it isn’t ridiculous or Impossible due to my fat ass…Let’s try it. (Also could elaborate here some later)

Fourth. …role-playing? Not sure I could or couldn’t. Ok so this is more of something I’ve been exposed to from reading books and blogs….but my interest has been peaked and I maybe willing to try if you ask me to.

Fifth,  doms & subs ….so yeah ya all know if you read my blogs I like being bit and maybe even choked a little.  I am intrigued by bondage but frightened by how I may react.

Let’s be realistic for a min….I have ptsd, meaning a lot of trauma.  And lately due to intense stress levels,  I am having a lot more flash backs than I’ve ever experienced in my life about said trauma. …..so with that being said I want to be tied up but I am afraid I may have some kind of an episode right smack in the middle of some great times. How traumatizing would that be for my lover. Although I have continually convinced myself that I could with my man. I have trust for him, trust I don’t for another.

I’ve also had a friend tell me of his crazy fatalities with this style of fucking.  Can I just say my mind was blown. Never have I thought a man would want to be treated in such ways.  Nor could I fulfil this kind of thing for anyone.  Made me think about it though and I didn’t judge,  just a little shock that’s all. Oh..  you want to know now I am sure, he wanted to be bound up and made to dressed as a woman.  Talked  to as though he was bad.  Ultimately just be degraded.

So will I elaborate or not?  Omg my mind is spinning….. Oh ok so I went back and did it. Little by little.  Wow. Can I really post this? Don’t judge me. Lol

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