Tug a war of the mind.

I am stuck between wanting to review everything I’ve previously written and wanting to write. So my love has found my blog and my dating profile.  Which actually doesn’t bother me, I don’t know if its the borderline in me of I’ve just never had clear boundaries.  Lol

Either way I try living as close to honestly as possible so usually Anything I do I feel should be easily explained and never cause doubt or  pain. So I haven’t went against any thing we’ve talked about but he said he saw that I didn’t shut this one guy down who wrote me and felt I was preparing myself incase he didn’t come back. My confusion lies with the fact that I don’t remember this conversation being what he described reading. 

Naturally I had to read it. I think maybe he mixed a couple different conversations up. Maybe he thinks one is a man that is actually a woman.  (she is a stud) Anyway this guy I was messaging was interested in ink. I kind of want to do it, especially since he had a car club who also might want the same tattoo. But I won’t due to it causing my love doubt. 

So him reading and telling me that he has read this just makes it hard for me to write openly sometimes.  I figure I am pretty fucking real and upfront with him. There isn’t much I write here I wouldn’t say to him.  Maybe the occasional stuff about the chica I am into or fantasy stuff I can’t really say out loud. But really I think I am ok with it. Besides is he going to continue reading it or just leave it be. I wouldn’t know and I don’t want to quit writing. I know I couldn’t help but read his if I found it. Although I would be scared to find doubts of my own.
And about all the reading my shit, I am snoop myself how could I get mad? I would have handed it to him if he asked. Glad he did it on hos terms though.  Makes it easier to digest and emotionally stabilize before confronting it. As long as you ask for clarity when you need it without reacting first.


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