And all I want is him to be here…..

Surrounded by so many ex’s this weekend. ….they’ve come out of the woodwork lending a hand, unexpected helping hand. So I’ve been submerged in all these emotions from every encounter and my mind never leaves my love. I wonder how he is feeling knowing I am around these ex’s and if he knows I only want him. If he knows I wish he was with me.
My car is broke. One ex is funding my repairs and possibly my financial problems via loan. An ex I haven’t seen in 2 years basically.  I was with him for 4 years. And my perspective on how it ended is different than his.
My other ex is fixing it and another drove me around the other day to get parts. These are people I haven’t seen in a few month’s. ..basically since I was with them… just fwb’s both wanted more, I wasn’t willing to commit. Either way it’s fucking weird being around them. And even weirder having to rely on them. I have no one else.
I wish my live was here. I still don’t know what we are.  I offered monogamy.  He hasn’t accepted.  I think he doesn’t want to ask that of me. I just won’t give up on us.

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