Totally over it all.

I know it may seem like a simple to do list to most, but to a borderline it’s an overwhelming ride on a rollercoaster.

Seems I can’t dump enough money into my VW Jetta. It’s given me nothing but trouble for the last few months. I desperately need another, more reliable car. But I couldn’t even pretend to be able make any kind of payments right   now.

My tattoos equipment keeps giving me trouble. I can’t wait for my tax refund.  I plan on buying all new equipment when it comes.

I was trying to finish a tattoo today.  I was already upset about the car and some other things and the my equipment started giving me trouble, I started fucking crying.  Which just made me angry.  I mean here I am trying to finish  a tattoo on an ex and my equipment won’t work, I have no furniture in my place and my car is breaking down. All I could think about was how he and his family would have great laughs about how shitty things are going for me.

So as for my other stressors,  honestly both my boys have no respect for me or most othet adults.  And they both take meds I am not sure I agree with but they only seem to do better in school and getting along in other areas with them.  So maybe I just produce faulty kids or I am a shitty mom and failed them completely. But this seems to be an ongoing probably.

  Watching my partner give my son a well deserved lecture yesterday was a huge reminder of how my ex husband and my oldest son would enteracte.  And in that moment I freaked out inside. I mean how do I react? I don’t believe in undermining my partner and I wouldn’t as I agree.  But at the same time I think there is a right way to do it. I’ve went through a lot of parenting classes and have come really far and  seen results but I am by no means perfect and have slipped back into some bad parenting habits.  I don’t like double teaming kids at all. One adults berating a child is already overwhelming.  So I wait for him to finish and try calmly talking to my kid and he jumps back in. I just don’t know how to approach this.  My son is already sensitive and has anxiety I just want to make sure he is emotionally ok. But also reinforce what’s been said in a healthier more understandable way for and 8 year old.

Well I am done writing now…there is more but I am so drained from my emotional rollercoaster. FML


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