Test of character.

So it can me defined as a test.  When you say you’ll give your heart and body all to your partner but no title. If they need not wander while waiting for the you to commit, you then know they truly are yours.

Is it not a double standard when you get frustrated that deep conversation is brought up by me right before bed but then you do the same?

Why do people ask questions they really don’t want answers to. Any answer is the wrong answer. I don’t want my partner mad at me ever. I feel like a scared little girl inside and I already have super bitch in my head degrading ever decision I make.

I am flawed and most definitely broken. I want to learn how to be normal in a relationship since.  Not over share and not cross boundaries in every day conversation with whoever will talk to me. What the hell is wrong with me. I hope I can fix it so I xan have real friends and true boundaries. I don’t want the lines to be clear and to understand the grey areas. Not to be controlled by my fear of abandonment and being alone. I want unconditional love and stability.  I want to not be a continuous contradiction in my thinking and feeling. 
I mostly definitely fear the next downward spiral as ever one gets stronger and I feel the ability to succeed in ending it all getting more strength with each one. If only my ability to emotionally regulated would grow with it. Then maybe there would be hope.


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