I keep thinking how have I come so far and not realised how shitty if a person I am. No wonder people stay distant. I am the common denominator. Why was I so blind? Can I fix this problem or am I stuck on this cycle forever? Continuously over sharing and never listening. Forgetting important details and only half listening to the people right in front of me. Over obsessing and clinging to my love so much I smother him. Forcing him to pull away for long periods of time. Not seeing and absorbing my own son enough when he is in front of me enough. When I wake up mentally and see him in front of me I am always in awe. He is so smart and growing so fast. I hope he doesnt abandoned or reject me like my oldest is. I am scared the day will come. Everyone leaves.