The cup is only half full in her eyes. Constantly reminding me of past hurts and trying to tell it all as is, in her eyes. Let’s keep it real shall we…She’d say. Come on you see the red flags. You know the truth, we’ve put all the clues together. I allowed her to live a little and she hurt people and alienated me in her wake. She has a negative response to everything and is most definitely the wild side of all that is me. If I am going to bungee jump, she is the one in the present, following through. When I am caught off guard, she can be very defensive before I can even balance my emotions and logical thinking on any given topic to determine the best response. She is always a hair trigger. I have done a lot better on keeping her quit but there are times I slip and she says shit that gets me into hairy situation. ….maybe she just does it to watch the chaos. Truly I have no idea but I hate cleaning up the mess she creates. Its bad enough I have to constantly babysit the co-dependent little girl. (Who is now determined to push my partner out the door by blurting out her desires to marry him, he won’t even commit. That would surely make him run.) Super bitch likes to jump on that and demoralize her by hissing about what she is setting us up for. If you don’t know already, it’s the spiral she fears. Super bitch is well aware of the pain and she knows that the survival rate with each one is less.
All she wants is to live wild and free to do all she desires. Screw everyone if they don’t like me. Everyone is out to get something from me and I am sick of giving it all. She argues with me all the time and when she feels strongly about stopping a behavior she doesn’t like, she doesn’t stop at just internally thinking about it. Often when I struggle with the continuous chatter and she is so loud it becomes an audible whisper.
All the little girl wants is to be accepted and loved. With stability that is unquestionable. She will give away everything before taking what she needs. She will bend over backwards just to be sure no one is let down.
But we’re not her to talk about her are we….
Truly no one wants to hear what she says….always imagining the conspiracy behind everyone’s intentions. To her no one is genuine. They all are just tolerating me, insert why here….it could be anything she can be creative. I don’t think she has ever trusted anyone. Occasionally giving over to the little girl to enjoy present company without her chatter. I have come to perfer any possible confrontation to be via text only to tether her tongue.
It seems the a typical argument in my head goes kinda like this:
Little girl, ” I miss him so much.”
Super bitch, “you just fucking dropped him off!”
Little girl, “I just want feel his arms wrapped around me and listen to his heart beat… ”
Super bitch, “…all while he struggles for air and grasp for any freedom he can get away from you.”
Little girl, “He loves me I can see it in his eyes and feel it in his touch!”
Super bitch, “your so sure of yourself. Lol just wait, he’ll leave. He won’t even be your boyfriend.”
Little girl, ” yeah because you just had to have her. One time. Some kind of fucking tally on your I’ve bag every target list…”
Super bitch, ” HAHAHA well maybe it would have went nicer if you’d had enjoyed the night as well. Your always fucking sniveling. All I wanted to do was eat some pussy and rub my face in some titties and your to busy thinking about what he is thinking about. Did you ever stop to think he wasn’t thinking of you while fucking in kelso!?.”
Little girl, “well….that was his girlfriend…”
Super bitch, “You knew him first and according to him, lol, he was praying you’d grace him with you presents again. Like you hadn’t went in there a hundred times looking for him. Like you hadn’t went in there that day looking for him. As though he hadn’t told everyone to tell you he was gone for good. He left and will leave again. Mark my words.”
Little girl, “He does love me. I want to be with him forever. I love how we laugh and have fun together….”
Super bitch, “and how we fuck. Lol I am sure if he wasn’t into our awesome sexual chemistry he’d leave you for sure. He can’t stand you. You barely touch his nipples at the wrong fucking time of the day and he will jump your shit. It ruins our whole fucking day. I am sure his internal dialogue is more like just deal with it so I can get laid then get the fuck out so I can breath again. You smother the shit out of the guy. For Christ sakes he has to take vacations from you. I wish I could.”
Little girl, ” that’s not true he has thing he has to do.”
Super bitch, ” like fucking finding the One he really wants to commit to.”
Little girl, ” he is committed in his heart and physical, he said so. He said just no titles right now.”
Super bitch, “I want some of those drugs your on.”
And so on and so forth it goes. It’s tiring.