I can’t be emotionally available. I am so broke and can’t trust anyone. I barely let a friend cuddle me. And after such nice words…I waterfall quietly came and went as I snuffed it out with memories of the pain you’ve left.
Why would you hurt me so badly? I still can’t understand why you’d ask me to be manogmous and then not be yourself? I trusted you with my heart. I bared my soul to you. It’s been two months since you’ve touched me. Since anyone has touched me. Last night I clung to your pillow try to draw your sent from it. But it has faded and as all traces of you go, with it my heart goes. I miss our good times together, our laughs. I miss that you know exactly how long I will lay on you before I will need to turn onto my other side. I miss that you know me better than I do sometimes.
I wonder why I haven’t heard from you. Not even an apology. You always said you’d never leave. Always be at least a friend. I know we can’t be. But it doesn’t mean I don’t need some kind of apology. Some statement from you. I want to understand why you’d hurt me like this. I want something to help me make this all make since. You said I was your best friend. How could you hurt your best friend like this? How can you possibly be ok with yourself after doing this to so many ladies? I want to hear from you. I want to know your hurting just as bad from my absence as I am from yours. But don’t think this is an invitation back into my life. I couldn’t possibly trust you again.
I just want to feel whole again. I want to trust again. I want to be intimate again. But the fear is to large and the waterfall is to strong to hold back any longer.