Holding the waterfall back…

I can’t  be emotionally available. I am so broke and can’t  trust anyone.  I barely let a friend  cuddle me. And after such nice words…I waterfall quietly came and went as I snuffed it out with memories of the pain you’ve left.

Why would you hurt me so badly?  I still  can’t understand why you’d ask me to be manogmous and then not be yourself?  I trusted you with my heart. I bared my soul to you. It’s  been two months since you’ve touched me. Since anyone has touched me. Last night I clung to your pillow try to draw your sent from it. But it has faded and as all traces of you go, with it my heart goes. I miss our good times together,  our laughs. I miss that you know exactly how long I will lay on you before  I will need to turn onto my other side. I miss that you know me better than I do sometimes.
I wonder why I haven’t heard from you. Not even an apology. You always  said you’d never leave. Always be at least  a friend.  I know we can’t  be. But it doesn’t mean I don’t  need some kind of apology. Some statement  from you. I want to understand why you’d  hurt me like this. I want something  to help me make this all make since. You said I was your best friend. How could you hurt your best friend  like this? How can you possibly be ok with yourself after doing  this to so many ladies?  I want to hear from you. I want to know your hurting  just as bad from my absence as I am from yours. But don’t think this is an invitation back into my life. I couldn’t  possibly trust you again.

I just want to feel whole again. I want to trust again. I want to be intimate again. But the fear is to large and the waterfall is to strong to hold back any longer.


6 thoughts on “Holding the waterfall back…

  1. This touched me in so many ways! I totally understand ur pain… please don’t hold ur breath waiting for what u want/deserve from this person that hurt u, everyone knows what needs to be done but will never admit when they know they did a person wrong like that… most people can’t man up to their own stupidity


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