Quietly Lonely

All the holiday calibrations are over and it’s just me here now. I have so many options of what I can do with my time.

I got some canvas for Christmas and have really been wanting to paint again. ..but I won’t right now.

I got a ps3 and boardlands so I could play some more…it just makes me miss him more.

I could smoke a bowl…but I am really over being stoned all the time.

I could clean and tidy the house, maybe take the decorations down… but it really isn’t that messy so I won’t.

I should draw, but I hate my skill level.

I could finish reading the book I got my son for Christmas so I can give it back to him, but he will just leave it on a shelf unread anyway.

I could scoured the dating apps for somebody to talk to maybe start a relationship…but my heart isn’t really in it.

I feel empty,  something is missing.
I feel lonely, but I don’t trust anyone.
I feel like there isn’t any point to all this. 
What is the purpose in existence?

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