Started a med about 3 days ago.

So I have to say everything has slowed down. Life seems like it’s slowly clicking by. It’s also very dull.

My oldest hasn’t called…should be upset about it. But I haven’t cracked that box open . I know it’s to much. Think I’ll wait for it to burst instead.

I am about to let an older couple move in. Not sure how I feel about it. Maybe it will shake things up a bit. Hopeful not in a bad way. But they are staying in a motel and it’s eating up the ssi they have for income so I feel like it’s  a win win win for them, my roommate who wants out and myself.  Whatever

Work is dull and I stay to myself.  I hide in my room.  It’s peaceful there.

I am seeing this cute red head who is really into me. I kind of like it. But I haven’t fully allowed myself freedom to fall. I am to scared….I keep looking for a red flag and I can’t find one. Everyone has one, so what is hers? She got me to go to the gym with her yesterday.  I kinda liked it. She is pretty hot working out and getting all sweaty  and shit.  I haven’t made any hug sexual advances yet. Just kisses and hand holding.  It’s almost like I turned that part of me off.  Not sure of it’s me needing to have the std talk and make sure she is clean or if I just know that will crumble my walls…..yeah I am sure that is what it is. I don’t want to open myself up.

Speaking of hurt. My mom has only text me and barely anyone has asked how I am handling my son going to prison. The person who should the most sympathy is my top boss man. And he actually made me feel a little better.  Other than that I’ve just not been talking to anyone much.

Honestly I don’t even feel like me anymore.  I don’t joke around or flirt the same. I guess I am just broken forever.



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