If I could choose…

Choose who to break down to. Who’s  shoulder to cry on I’d Choose You.

If I we’re going to confide in anybody but how scared I am, despite the past, I’d tell you.

If I were going to tell anyone, anyone at all, about the fact that my being single is because I’m a little vain, it’d be you. Red flags aren’t the only things that send me running anymore.

It’s honestly not because I think I am amazing because I know full well I am not. Just because I can’t over look anything anymore. I am looking for a reason to run. I am settling on the idea of just purely existing.  Just doing my own thing by myself or with my kids.

Which I know is a choice and with all choices/cause there is effect.  And mine would be loneliness.  I have to weigh value in there. How important is it that I don’t suffer from this? And how can I combat it so it doesn’t also cause the pain I am already avoiding?

I’ve learned I can confide in random people in my life but as I am learning to keep things to myself and be private,  I am also realizing how much people are seriously all caught up in there own perspective of life. And no one really give a shit about anyone elses. The world is shitty and most people have been ruined by their own experiences.

Anyway my point is this is where I am confiding…as though you are a real friend and I am crying on your shoulder.  I’ll just hold this pillow and pretend it’s your shoulder. Just let me cry.

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