Forgot my meds 2 maybe 3 days in a row.

And now, here I am having a melt down. Obviously they were working.  I also started smoking regularly again.  Obviously it effects me negatively. 
I broke down in the shower this morning.  No quite as bad as that one time. But felt close ….a gand I thought about him. How he caught me. Held me till I was ok. There isn’t anyone now. Not even my family.  I write here. If there isn’t anyone, then no one can hurt me.

Nikita is an Assasin. Fits super bitch  quit well, ya know. She let’s the little girl mingle, but when anyone starts showing feelings, she eliminate them. No one is allowed passage to our heart.

The suffering has become our closest Ally. A sharp reminder that all bring pain. Everyone is so caught up with their own lives they don’t see the pain they cause.

I am reminded of a pendulum that swings high, from one side to the other. It almost seems to stop before it drops. The moment before gravity pulls it back into the full effects of G-force. In that quite moment, everything seems slow, suspended, for a glimpse of what will be.  I see a lonely future….

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