Once in awhile. ..

I don’t want isolation.  I crave love, connection, closeness with a lover. I yell and scream and beg the others to let me out. I try talking to potential partners and when ever I start moving towards a possible relationship, she comes in and escorts them away. She is always throwing in verbal warnings to tell them, so they know it’s coming and then suddenly dismissing them. I am sick of it.

I contemplate strategies on how to escape this endless solidarity.  If I rush into something maybe she won’t be able to shut it down. But then she would be right. It wouldn’t be the right person, we’d get hurt. I’d get hurt.

I send out signals, calling for time with love. But never seems to work out. And I have fears for what will happen.  When I get the chance will I freeze again. Will I loose control. Will she rush in and shut it down. She probably won’t even allow an opportunity.

I have taken enough time!  I have listened to to many speech and heard her go on and on about the hurt enough. I do the art stuff and make myself busy like mother says but that doesn’t keep the thoughts at bay. I want to feel the touch of love. I need the strokes of intimacy on my skin. I need it, to revive my soul. Awaken the sleeping dragon and help him sore high above us. Let him not sleep again. He needs fed and I want him fed. I can not let him die or my existence is futile.  He knows my desires. And we are one in the same. Together we have passion. 

I know super bitch wants passion as well but she is so gaurded and with every hurt I loose control of the upper hand. I guess we are all at her mercy.  When she is ready maybe she’ll let us live again.

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