It’s all in the hug. Really just an average, extended, warm hug. That of course is real time. But with in these brief moments so much happens with in.
I am not sure how to break it all down so I will let it all fall out. Randomly noting things as they are being recalled by the collective as experienced by each individually. So as is goes there will be conflicting experiences, which is after all why we’re here….again.
The desire for the hug is always there. It’s almost a deep unquenchable thirst.
It’s awkward. I am unsure why I am allowing it.
We relax and melt into it. At this point it’s fulfilling. A remembrance of a pleasant, peaceful, safe place. And after a brief moment of this biss, there is an incredibly powerful impulse. Honestly takes everything to stop it. STOP her! From shoving, not a gentle push but a forceful shove with extreme anger. Shove away any contact. The anger that rips through us. The walls seem to be instantly reinforced with armor. And I gentle pull away. Looking at my feet in embarrassment that all this has happened.
For a moment I had bliss. For a moment I wanted so much more. For moment I was able to forget and drowned her out. I am so lost in this. I fear I will be lonely forever. I want him and she wants a girlfriend but won’t trust anyone. So her we are squared off and no one wins.