I have all I need. My children, my home and my friends. I feel like everything is this repetitious cycle. Monotonous activities. I am desperate to break out of it. I am bored.
For the first time in my life sex isn’t a priority. And suddenly I relies how long it’s been and I am panicking. Despite to make sure I still am able. Not sure what is going to happen. I have lost control. Honestly I have no desire to try anymore. I will be as a leaf in the wind. Just go with it, until I am happy again.
After my deep depression that is how I got out. Just decided to go with what ever made me happy. I just wanted to live. And that is what I did. So that is what I must do. What ever happens, is what it is.
I can’t say what will happen, I have no since of direction. I feel pulled in many different directions. And I am tired of trying, of trying to navigate an impossible battle against will power and desire. I surrender. ..no judgment.