I have all I need. My children, my home and my friends. I feel like everything is this repetitious cycle. Monotonous activities.  I am desperate to break out of it. I am bored. 
For the first time in my life sex isn’t a priority. And suddenly I relies how long it’s been and I am panicking.  Despite to make sure I still am able. Not sure what is going to happen. I have lost control. Honestly I have no desire to try anymore.  I will be as a leaf in the wind.  Just go with it, until I am happy again. 

After my deep depression that is how I got out. Just decided to go with what ever made me happy. I just wanted to live. And that is what I did.  So that is what I must do. What ever happens, is what it is.

I can’t say what will happen,  I have no since of direction.  I feel pulled in many different directions. And I am tired of trying, of trying to navigate an impossible battle against will power and   desire. I surrender. judgment.


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