I am not worth fighting for.

I am definitely the ex to come back to for a good “for old time sake” fuck. Ex’s always seem to come at me, no matter the time we’ve been apart. And for most of them the rosie shades have cleared up and I see well enough to know I ain’t down. 

But I am crazy right? So this must be why I am able to push people out of my life. They hurt me, I banish them to a world where I don’t exist.  So many people have hurt me. And so deeply and in my head I can’t understand why they aren’t begging me for forgiveness. Maybe I never added enough enrichment to their life. So I am not worth fighting for. Easley walked away from. Forgotten.  Life’s easier without the drama.
I make new friends fairly easily.  Although I find a lot, become attracted to me. Seems I put off a vibe begging for partners. Yet I push them all away. I want one partner and no other. No one fills that spot better. Even if it wasn’t perfect, I can’t see that now. No one’s arms feel the same. No one smells quit right. Kissing is weird and I am nothing but judgmental.  I have no desire to make any moves.  It’s all numbing. I have friends but they don’t fill the void.
I am sure even their friendship is temporary.

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