“When you’re OK with being by yourself, that’s when it’s been long enough.”

It range through my very core. The words seemed valid enough. 

And how do I know when I’ve had enough time of “ok” with being by myself.  I have moment of peace and the others of desperation.  Times I think I can trust and move on so I set up dates and then suddenly I panic and bail emotionally.  I with draw and become uninterested. 

I find I look out of boredom. Yet only engage half heartily. I crush on and flirt with unattainable distraction. Yet if given the opportunity I wouldn’t be interested at all. 

I miss love and partnership. Cuddling and having someone to share my day with. Yet I enjoy peace and consistency of solitude.  I am close to having no roommates at all. Just my kiddo and I. Equals no drama. Never unexpected mood changes. Adding a partner would disrupt that. Ugh I am tierd of men pursuing me regardless of how much I make it clear I want nothing to do with them sexually. Men repulse me all together now. All I can think about is “him” and how he slept around and then stuck it in my face. Cunt to mouth. Why not just put my mouth directly where I want it. My stomach turns everytime I think about all the blow jobs I gave that slut. Fucking cunt.