I performed a ritual. 

I summoned you. You stood before me. Tall slender midline.  Shoulders of an ox and head of a masculine ram. Horns as long as my arms. You looked fierce. 

I sat before you staring you eye to eye. At first I had anger and then I was overcome with sadness. I begged you to tell me. Tell me it all was real. Tell me the world and our surroundings are genuine.  Begged you to cry before me and beg me to believe you. Believe you couldn’t control it. I cried to you begging you to tell me you truly loved me and that you wished you could go back and change it. And then I stood.

I stood in front of you told you I had to let you go and I couldn’t see you in my dreams anymore. I said we had to part ways and move forward.  I had to be happy and I can’t be broken forever. My kids need a happy mother.

I saw you, unmasked in front of me. Blinking in and out of your baphomet mask. Emotionless staring at me as you would when I was just talking to you about random Bull shit. Or as I wished you to be while I pleaded for something.

Then I requested one thing before we parted ways. I asked to remember.  I wanted a nostalgic stroll with you. From start to finish. And you, as you always had, guided me through.

Starting from the first day you walked in and I noticed. I locked you in. I watched you like a thief gets watched in a store.  But you weren’t stealing anything but my heart and my sanity. But I wouldn’t know that until our story was done. 

You walked back to the cooler grabbing a drink and then came for your smokes. I joked about you quiting and suggested the electric cigarette. We laughed or whatever and you went back to work. 

We started sitting in our trucks after work and bull shitting before going home to our dead lives we felt stuck in. You said a silly thing about getting lost in the bunnies hole if I chased this rabbit down.

The school playground blow jobs happened a couple  times but we didn’t get time together tell I attempted an escape from my doom. And here is where you turned the heat up. 

You awoken my spirt. Fanned a flame I was sure had long been cold. I remember after you standing over me and you wiped your leg with your belt. I remember you saying something that set fire to a curiosity of which I wouldn’t learn more about tell a couple years down the road. 

I remember driving  really far just to see you. I remember the church parking lot. And with that,  memory comes, the memory of being broken and leaving you for the last time and the cry home. 

A couple years and many life changes later. I walked into your work with little hope you’d be there. I am sure I lite up when we met eyes. I’ve never been good at hiding how I feel from you. You slid you’re number to me just as we wrapped up our short exchange.

More heart ache. Can we just stop I look up to you. I tell you I can’t bare to remember all this. And we just forward to a few flashes of tattooing, talking, love making and naked honesty. And that’s when I asked. 

I looked YOU in the eyes. I said just make love to me before you go for good. And you kissed my eyes and lifted me. Lying me down you gentle parted my legs. 

As quickly as you had come you had gone. I looked up into your eyes and you were in all his glory, Baphomet. With talen hook nails caressed my clitoris. Vibration warmed me and I opened to you. You knelt and lapping at me and I was ready. You twisted my piercings with intent for pain. You made me aware I failed you in causing pain. And with one twisted just enough, your mouth reached for my neck,  as your free hand hypnotists my hips into a  passionate dance. And you bite down. 

Suddenly it was just you and me and I smiled as our eyes met. You slowed the pace and entered me. Making love to me for awhile then choking me just as I was begging silently for you to do.  And when it was done. You in your truest self leaned forward still inside me. Whispered Goodbye. 

And you were gone. I was alone. Wondering if I had been truly released of your spell. 

All I know is I feel differently than I had before.  

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