Dark passenger

So after a failed date,  my head keeps saying my eye is now wide open. I see clearly and can not keep from respond accordingly. I will not settle for anything less than what I want. I have ran from overly Klinger people. I have found reason with in everyone I meet why I can not find a love interest in them. I’ve been friend zoning everyone.  

So on the way to work this morning I had a bit of a break down because I have come to the realisation that I will be alone forever.  Because no small thing can he tolerated because in some weird way it all adds up to, “I will get hurt.” I do not own my heart anymore. I have lost the rains. I can’t even playfully flirt. I wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression because then I would have to fix it by breaking contact with them so they don’t think the wrong thing. 

Obviously I am lonely.  Don’t get me wrong I know how to please myself.  But there is something wrong when you can’t even fantasies freely with out the worry that if I think of anyone person I might start to have feelings for them. Thus not thinking of anyone.

 Sound hard? Extremely a women cums only when her mind and body link. Her head has to be free so her body relaxes enough to explode with orgasms.

 So what do you think of when you refuse to allow yourself to think of anyone? Get yourself some random. Not physically. Look for a natural party. Someone you will never see again or an actress or something.  I guess it’s kinda like porn but with a lot more creativity. Brain engagement ×100. Takes a lot more of an effort.  Thus not being worth the effort to do it as often.

Fuck I want to touch someone.  I want to feel that intimate touch. The soft kisses and caresses that bring goosebumps, the good kind. I want romance.  I want candle light love. I want to engage with someone so deeply it touches me emotionally so I know I am Alive. I want someone to want something real as bad as I do. I want what we were taught love was supposed to be. I want real love. Genuine love. The kind you would die for. 

But not the love you die in. Not the love that is blind. The love that you only cling to out of fear. Not the wicked love were it’s ok to tear out each other’s heart with word out of retaliation of the pain you’ve endure for it. Not the kind that sucks all the hope out of your life. Not the kind that keeps you tied to each other. Not the love you loss your individuality in. Not the ones you give up friends for. 

I just want to wake up to whispers in my ear. I want to grow old and travel.  I want to smell the air around the world and have someone to talk about it with. 

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