What it’s like…

It can be compared to an echo. Or maybe someone talking across the room to someone near them. A quaint party if you will. A gathering of many over lapping conversations. 

As you scan the room you decide which voice to tune into. And you hear many different topics of focus or you get several opinions on one topic. Sometimes they are spoken in turn and others they speak over each other trying to be heard.

The view can be ever changing.  Depending on who has the podium.  No not an actual one,  though mother always seems to be in the front of the room. 

I hear someone say, in a quiet ominous whisper, I feel it coming.  

Another voice rhythmically saying it’s ok, your gonna be ok. Just ride the wave. It always passes. 

And a loud giggle breaks through and says I am totally taking a bath tonight. Boisterously proclaiming I am so horny.

An authoritative over tone comes out taking note that says I am physically ill. I know I am running a fever and my stomach is hot and heavy. Maybe I’ll vomit at some point. 

A child’s voice whining constantly in the background.  Something about not wanting to be alone and an occasional whimper for someone specific. 

The girl who was giggling chimes in again reminding the party to take another hit of the lemon haze she loaded earlier. Wondering if it is ash and needs more. Couldn’t need more she only hit it once since she got here.

The ominous voice whisper here it comes. I feel the knot in my throat. The muscles under my eyes are tight. I am going to break down. Raising her voice enough to put emphasis on her words, I NEED to break down. You’ve been strong long enough. Let me release this, please. With pleading eyes she stands in the middle of the room and the view spins around her, like a camera circling her keeping her in the center of the frame. 

The over toned voice echos through pleeeease,  man my stomach is heavy. My mouth is watering. Am I going to get sick?

The child chimes in, where is he?

The rhythmic soother barges in can we all just breathe for a min. Now stand up shake it off and focus. What are the choices here? 

Options are shouted,  whispered and hoped for….”bath” is suggested with a lifted eyebrow.  “I’d like to just go to bed” one grones. “Movie?” Chimes in a little voice. “Hey can’t  we go through some potentials so we can remedy this ever loving cycle of loneliness?”  Shouts another. A grone breaks through the silence, “I am so over this.” A small voice trails off, “me too.”

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