My head is swimming today …

I woke up clearly remembering parts of a random dream of my elementary school and needing my passport for a feild trip. of witch was & is expired.  In my dream it worked yet I do not remember where we went or what we did.

My mind quickly moved away from dream land and to my thumb ring. my fingers must have swollen over night .  I moved the ring to my other hand.  And then I remembered today is the day my mom is in surgery. I am sure she will be fine. But I  know she was a bit scared.

So my started. I got my son to school before the bell rang for once. Went to Safeway for my lunch and headed to work.

On my drive my mind jumping around from one topic to the next. I have looked through Facebook while in the shower and saw the feed about the water protectors in North Dakota. They were drenched in water last night by the police and it was freezing out. the escalation is incredibly sad. Do the police just follow the their demands with no conscious? Do they not understand what this fight is for? I think I want to figure out what oil company this is and not buy their oil. Not that I am incredibly educated on the  topic but I’d like to think I am standing on the right side of things. 
I have satellite radio and have been listening to HLN a lot. In the morning hours I get a bit of news rather than the forensic files I enjoy in the evening. This morning they talked about 4 policemen that were gunned down in different areas and one man who went into a police station and killed a police officer and got away. All these police shooting civilians and civilian retaliation scares me. Riots and beatings everywhere.  America’s great empire seems to be imploding all while the world watches. I know I can over think things a bit and be very imaginative and paranoid sometimes but this shit is getting real and on my back porch. My fear is Marshall law and civil war erupting.  I have asked my cousin who was a Marine  IOD  specialist to cone stay with me. I hope he will.just for comfort and peace of mind.

As I drove in to work I looked around and couldn’t help but be reminded of what i was taught in church. I felt the urge to call my old mentor and ask for prayer. But my fears would be a lecture and a plead to attend regularly again. I will pass.  People  seem to be going about their everyday business as though all is well. I hope their instinct is better than mine. I will fallow suit and hope for the best. Besides who am I in the grand scheme of all this. 

Perhaps I am a bit emotional, I am a female about to start that dreaded monthly crap. I am single and have not been laid in over a year and My 38th birthday is Wednesday. Yeah me, one more birthday alone. Perhaps if we didn’t make such a big fucking deal out of birthdays for kids they wouldn’t be so disappointing as adults. FUCK! 

So my mother had pleaded with My brother and I to spend a Thanksgiving together after well over 2 years of not talking due to my cunt-in-law. Whom I have vowed not to beat the shit out of in front of my niece. I will attempt to just keep that a  fantasy. Although my dad pissed me off last night by bring it all up ladt night, asking me not to start anything. I told him I wouldn’t start shit but I most definitely would not keep my mouth shut if something arose that called for my defending my family. She has done nothing to change the initial problems that caused my family divide.  Anyway we’ll see how it goes. 

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