As parents and surrounding grown-ups we are suppose to comment on children’s achievements. Encouraging them to keep working on bigger and hard goals. Focusing on the positive and ignore the negative when we can.
As children we thrive on recognition. Attention, good or bad. We just want to be seen. Interacted with. The other day i told my son he needed to work on his room again. He got a board game out and sat next to me and said, I just want to play with you. Of course I played a couple rounds of games with him and then helped him with his room.
What I am trying to say is as I’ve recognized my words can become his internal dialogue and have changed some of my language in speaking with him about things he is working towards I’ve been in lighted a bit about adults encouraging each other.
My own internal dialogue hasn’t been very encouraging. And although I’ve worked very hard to get where I am, I still haven’t fully reached my ultimate goals. I’ve also realised that just when I am feeling slightly better about my work, someone is always there to tell me the “truth” about it. How is anyone suppost to get to the top of a stair case if there is always someone there to say, “oh, that isn’t done quit right, you should start again.”?
Why is it that we as adults we feel the need to say things negative first? Then when you notice the upset feelings on the recipients face you say something nice to band-aid it. Have you ever noticed when a teacher is helping a small child they start with a small positive before saying the But? And it isn’t always a but it’s like how about we try this? What would it look like if we try it this way?
As adults who have been raised by a generation that said to mask your feelings and are now trying to help our kids learn to be emotionally healthy, should we also be helping our peers by changing our vocabulary with them? I mean, if we are learning to be more supportive and we know how, why do we not use that with our peers? I mean in a genuine sense not a patronizing way.
I think everyone is a little broken, it’s kind of part of the human experience. Why not lift each other up when ever we can instead of tear them down? Just saying.