Holding out

If I always hold out for someone  “better” then I will always be alone.

If I have to beg for someone to tell me how much they love me and want me to be with them, They don’t. 

I am not a 10. There are plenty of red flags to be found in me. Why would I expect someone to accept my flaws if I refuse to look past theirs?

  I am sabotaging my future by holding onto my past. A past that isn’t even holding onto me. 

I use to have unbelievable confidence considering how ugly I am. I was bold and forward.  Reckless with my flirting.  I would flirt with both men and women. I made the rules and there weren’t many. 

Now I barely hold a conversation long enough to get them interested.  And if I do flirt and finally get them to warm up as soon as they show interest, I want to run. I Want to run from love, from life,  and from my new start.

 I want to stand still. I am complacent.  Refusing to decide so inevitably the decision is made for me.

How am I supposed to find love if I am always holding out. If I am always running.  If I am always looking back. 

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