Lingering closure 

So we met, went round that old Rollercoaster a few times and parted ways it seems. 

I feel differently about things now. I know I love you and always will but I feel like the spell has been lifted. I know we had a special connection but I also feel like I understand the differences there are now. We’re just not who we were before and that is a good thing. 

I want good things for you, I do. I want us to be friends and talk and joke like we use too. Before things got super complicated.  

I don’t know why everytime we talk I have to try talking about feelings.  I am sorry for that. It’s silly really, because when ever I do, you stop replying.  You’d think I’d learn. Yet it seems like turrets and it happens automatically.  

I want to move on. I want to be happy. Yet when anyone showes interest, I run away. It isn’t fair to them to pay for the pain I still carry. 

I have been thinking about starting therapy again, yet I feel there isn’t anytime to do it. If I could just focus on whats important in my life and quit making love interest priority Life would be so much easier. 

Now that I’ve re-felt the warmth of skin against mine for the first time in over a year….I now know what I am missing all the more. I want someone but It scares me so much to start fresh with anyone new.

I feel like I got closure, yet I am afraid to walk away from the door. As though any moment now you might open it again.  I want you in my life, I just need to learn how to seprate what we have as friends and what we had as lovers. 

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