I color my surroundings with bright bold color. But inside there is a darkness taking over.
I won’t deny the correlation of recent events. I know deep down the scars have been ripped open and the blood pours now. Bring life to the old wounds.
I know the whisper within begs to let it run dry, to allow the darkness to consume the last of the light. I know I have no control and I have lost the desire to try.
I have good things waiting for me in the light but no energy to reach for them. No will to work for it all. I know there is a crowd cheering me on.
But the darkness is screaming for my attention. And I turn towards it. It has my soul. It is my passion. I want it to consume me. End my suffering. There is comfort in it. I know the darkness well enough to navigate it. I know the pain well enough to know what numbs it.
In the light there is a new path and new shiny things to work for. It takes work and new pain of it’s own. The kind I don’t know how to numb and perseverance I am not sure I have. I haven’t really tested it out. I guess it scares me too much to push on.