In my arms she feels safe. The smell of her lingering around me brings peace to my heart. She wears her insecurities like cloths. I watch her every move and change and see her thoughts through the only language she speaks clearly. I piece together what she is telling me with short burst of vulnerability in her words and loud long stories in body language. Its clear she is tip toeing towards fully revealing herself to me.
I feel like I am looking at a mirror of my past self. I see how I was with my past lover in my most vulnerable state. And it makes me so very aware of how far I have come and grown. Giving me patience and understanding of how to be a better support to those still walking through the worst of mental and emotional growth. I want to be there for those hurting. I know how much the support is needed.
I honestly still know I am and will never be done growing. But to see from this point of view I have come so far.
Last night with her was fireworks. She bore her soul to me and with that we saw eachother completely. I found myself open to love for the first time in so long, I am allowing myself to fall.
As vage as she can be out of being “shy” I see her. I understand her more than she thinks I possibly could. She appologizes for not being clear but with the pieces I seem to clearly understand and am able to articulate back to her exactly what she couldn’t seem to say. Feels so natural and comfortable. At one point in our conversations last night I almost felt like I was a counselor helping her get her words out and it felt good to feel able to do so. Without judgement. Although I did feel the need to rein in my need to empathize and relate my own stories as it seems to interrupt her train of thought and she has a hard enough time staying off bunny trails when trying to come to her original planned point.
She is a bit embarrassed of her Adhd and has been shamed for it. I seem to ne able to help her stay on point and help bring her back to the beginning when she needs it. Which is funny because I think of myself as the one needing that. So I guess when needed I can step up and do better. It really brings a sense of strength when you have to step into that roll for someone. I very much like it. To be someones safety net when they are feeling vulnerable.
I keep flashing back to last night after all the words were said and we fell under eachothers spell. Just watching her movements and expressions as I pleased her. Feeling her skin against mine was mesmerizing. Moving her hips with mine, touching her in time with our rhythm. It was like music through movement of our bodys. As a ballerina tells a story through dance. The beauty of a her is more than that of any Mona Lisa. Her smile is as bright as the mid day sun. Her spirit, a breath of fresh air. I want to take her in and never let her go. I want to protect her and be her safe haven as long as she will allow me.