What’s in my head? I haven’t allowed much quite space enough lately so I am not sure where I am at emotionally.
I started therapy again recently and decided I needed to write again. Yeah for my followers.
I almost never have quite time anymore. I usually have my phone to consume my thoughts or a movie or show playing on it while I draw tattoos up. I play NPR or some audio book when I am packaging q-tips or jewelry, for piercings, while showering or laying in bed waiting to fall asleep I always have something on in the background.
I keep myself constantly busy. I haven’t gotten out into a forest or on a trail in a long time. I feel my soul’s thirst for it. I need to sit in the quit. I need to clear the cobwebs of my mind and allow for the flow of thought. Oil the gears and allow the emotions to flow naturally. I need to hear from myself what I want, what I need.
I tend to hyper focus on things people do that I don’t feel is the “right way”. I get mad or irritated over how other artist leave things in the rooms I share with them. As if I am entitle to say exactly how it should be, as though it is solely mine to say.
I get an extreme amount of anxiety over taxes and paperwork for my licensing. My coworker teased me for needing our bosses help on the paperwork and said he isn’t your dad. Lol I had to agree. But I can’t figure out why I get so much anxiety when this kind of shit use to be my job. Suddenly I can’t do it for myself?
My super awesome close friend when through my account and itemized everything to help me get started on a budget…..yet I can’t apply it yet…lack of money to accommodate the budget. Lol
I spend too much on eating crap food that is making me fat. I think about dieting and yoga everyday and never do it.
So I’ve got to find a grand to get my licenses all straight. Plus taxes are coming up. I asked my dad if I could borrow it and he scoffed at me. All I can think about is all the money I’ve heard about my parents giving my brother and how I’ve never gotten that much help from them. Just validates my feels of him being the favorite.
I decorated my tattoo room at the other shop today. Feels good but am I jumping the gun? What if I don’t pass or state won’t let me transfer to this shop yet? I am scared.
My girlfriend is always MIA and barely responds to text and when I reach out I always feel shut out by her response. Not sure I want to wait around anymore but when ever I think about how we are together I feel she is worth it. We just click right. Feels right. I know depression sucks and she is struggling but hers is different them mine was. I got hella clingy and not antisocial.