I have therapy tomorrow and then I am covering for a friend at work. I won’t be back at my partners till Wednesday. I enjoyed a peaceful movie and conversation with my youngest when I got home today.
We all stayed the weekend over there with my niece as well. I feel like I haven’t had enough time with my kid as I would have liked. I really enjoy it when he opens up to me and shares what he is thinking and feeling about current events of any significance to him and his life.
I feel like as things start merging together with all our lives, we seem to be helping each other out in ways we hadn’t imagined before.
My mom is getting more and more comfortable over there and she has commenced her cleaning rituals, all be it slow, she will have that place in order soon enough. And that will help with stress and anxiety for everyone. Having dedicated places for everything and helping everyone make a habit of putting things away properly from the start so things do not go missing will save so much time.
I don’t feel like I got nearly enough done this weekend for my girl. I had wanted to tidy up the craft room for her. She had been wanting to create with me again and honestly I could really use some paint therapy. Soon enough I suppose. I did on the other hand get some decorating done and felt like it made her feel good. I want to see her smile. You know the one, were she crunches up her nose and almost laughs. Beautiful girl she is. No idea what she sees in me.
I spoke with all the kids today. I feel like I gave them all a chance to talk about how they feel and what they are anticipating the future to look like with us all in it together. They all seemed pretty content. Only a few anxieties but nothing to drastic. I think the slow transition is helping them settle in easier. Small things can be worked on while allowing them breaks from each other to keep from building tension up in the house right away. I love how they are learning to interact with each other as young teens this will be so good for them later.
My mental state has been a bit off. Obviously I am still split and enduring the ride has been easier in a sense due to knowing how to process what is happening and why I am responding in one way or another. I have never really been in control completely. Triggers still get me if I am not ahead of them. Sometimes I can’t catch up before I am long gone in some tantrum. Honestly it gets old. And it’s humiliating for loved ones to call me out about how ridiculous my behavior gets.
I’ve not talked so openly about my blogs or DID with people in the past. Granted I mention my blogs a lot but not talked about the content as openly. Excuse me while I get adjusted to that. The fact that we can talk about everything and work through helping each other figure different things out means a lot to me maybe over time I’ll slip back into one again. Or maybe I never really was, just had everyone else locked out. Like banner said hulk had him locked in the trunk of the car.
Thank you for trying to understand me and sharing your inner most true self with me too.